There is so much to say about who Aubrey was. That would take more than a website page to explain. The purpose of this page is to detail some of the things that my sister was up against in her short life.
I used to tell my sister that one day, God would heal her and that all her struggles would not be in vain. I told her that she would have her chance to stand in front of the church and give her testimony. She could say "Look! God healed me & He could do it for you!" This is the way God would use her story to get all of the glory. Aubrey had faith that it would happen. Even though Aubrey passed, I must believe it did happen. I must believe that she has been healed. It just did not happen on this side. This means that it is time for Aubrey to give her testimony. So here we are...
Aubrey was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at 12 years old. She struggled with it. She was insulin dependent and had to learn what she could and could not eat. She had to learn to take her blood sugars and give herself shots of insulin. My mother was instrumental in making sure that she knew how to do these things. Both my parents did all they could, to make sure she was taken care of properly. It would be a difficult adjustment for anyone, especially a child. She wanted to be like the other kids and at some point, began eating and drinking things that she should not have. She did not want diabetes and she bucked up against it. Maybe it was rebellion, maybe she just wanted to feel "normal". I cannot say for sure. However, these behaviors led to her having major health issues.
Aubrey would have times where she experienced DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis). In these cases, her blood sugar was so high that taking insulin could not bring it down and she would need to be hospitalized. She also had times where she would go into a diabetic coma. Aubrey would have extremely low blood sugars that would cause her to black out. She could be driving and not remember how she got to her destination. Then, at 19, Aubrey had a heart attack. I believe this served as a wakeup call. Yet, some of the damage had already been done.
Over the years, she had constant trips back and forth to the hospital. So much so, that if my parents said, “Aubrey is in the hospital”, it was not surprising. It became normal to me and it was a bit frustrating. My sister was in hospitals so much she could tell the doctors what medicine she needed and what not to give her. I used to tell her she could have been a doctor. She would yell at the nurses when they would give her the wrong stuff and explain to them why it was not good for her. She was so smart!
After constant labs and repeated visits to the ER due to DKA, she started to lose her sight. She also dealt with neuropathy (damaged nerve endings in fingers and legs). She could not feel cold or hot to the touch. Unfortunately, one night she slept near a space heater and her foot was severely burned. Her foot got infected, and she was hospitalized and eventually put in rehab. They planned to amputate the front part of her foot. Thankfully, a doctor believed that she could save her foot by putting a wound vac on it. During this time, she was in a nursing home for 7 months. She had several surgeries on her foot. She was on a walker for a while, but after several months of rehabilitation, she was released. After this she struggled with depression and anxiety. It seemed to be just one thing after the other, she could never catch a break.
You could not really tell Aubrey what to do. You could suggest something, but she was very strong willed. For example, in 2018, I had my college graduation in DC and then the next day we went up to NYC to shop for my wedding dress. It was planned for months. The day before Aubrey had to fly to me, she fell and hurt her ankle. She said she was in extreme pain and could barely walk. I begged her to go to the hospital. She refused. She said she was not going to miss what we had planned. She took the flight and when she got to me, I asked her to go to the doctor again. She refused and said she would go when the trip was over. She traveled to DC in pain. She then went to NY the next day and walked in Times Square with a cane. She did this because she wanted to be there for me. When she returned home, she found out that it was actually a fractured tibia, and she should not have been walking at all! She pressed through all that pain, just to be there for me. She was amazing!
On top of struggling with complications from diabetes, Aubrey was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 29. She was told she had to have chemo and surgery. She was told she would lose her hair. She told my mother she did not care about her hair, she just wanted to live. She fought! She began educating herself on the disease and preparing herself for surgery.
After surgery, she began her recovery process which included chemotherapy. Chemo was extremely hard on my sister. At one point, she even coded out and was transferred to ICU. She was unresponsive and had to be intubated. Her body was swollen, and it was so hard to see her like that. The doctor's decided not to continue chemo treatments. She was frustrated. She would tell me "Sissy, you don't know what it's like to be in a body that isn't working". I would remind her how strong she was. She continued fighting and eventually recovered from this. Aubrey also had kidney failure and had to receive dialysis 3 times a week. I volunteered to be a donor for her, but they told us that she had to be cancer free for 3 years before they would allow her to have the surgery.
She was doing better. A few years later, she started having some complications which led them to investigate what was going on with her. Unfortunately, Aubrey was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had to begin radiation. We were disappointed that this would restart the clock and she would not be able to get a kidney for another 3 years. It also bothered her to know that she could never have children. My sister would say she was fine with being Auntie Bobbi. We have plenty of nieces and nephews! Yet, it is one thing to say that you do not want kids but when the option is taken from you, it is another story. She went into a severe depression. Psychologically, it does something to you. She was angry about things, but again she just wanted to live.
Aubrey was a hard worker before her first bout with cancer. She rarely took a day off. She worked as an aid in an assisted living facility and worked her way up to manager of the reminiscence floor. This was something she was proud of. She would cook for the seniors and take them on adventures. She was committed to helping others. She was used to being out and about and helping other people. So, letting someone take care of her was a major adjustment. She was used to being independent. As her health continued to decline, she had to rely on family. I believe this contributed to her depression.
Because of her compromised immune system, it always seemed like it was easier for Aubrey to get sick. She was hospitalized on more than one occasion for having pneumonia. She had to have her gull bladder removed. She even spent time in the hospital for having TIA or "mini-strokes". Eventually, the depression caused her to be bedridden. She ended up in a wheelchair. She went to Dodd Hall twice, an extensive rehabilitation center. She had to pass a dexterity test just to be admitted to Dodd. This is where she began to re-learn how to walk. She was determined to walk again. She used a walker, a cane, and a rollator. She would scoot herself on her butt to use the bathroom. She was so determined to do things on her own again.
Even though she was limited, she kept working at being independent and would refuse help. Her brain wanted to do what her body was not ready to. One time, she fell and was found non-responsive. She was kept in the hospital for a very long time. She then developed hospital dementia. She would not speak. When she did speak, her voice had changed. She had prolapsed speaking where her words were slurred or stretched. She would also get excited and began to stutter. She would get frustrated. She started speech therapy to tackle this new obstacle that came her way.
By this time, she was walking, but using a cane. She had a stroke that caused some damage to the left side of her body. After rehab, she regained the use of her left side, but had loss the full use of her left foot. This caused her to have trouble standing and to walk with a limp. She noticed that her stomach started to swell. The doctors decided to run test on her and determined that it was fluid that was causing the swelling and they needed to remove it. The hospital was able to fill multiple containers with the fluid that came off her. They ran tests on the fluid, and it was determined to have cancerous cells in it. They said it was adenoma carcinoma. This was a cancer in the lining of her stomach. This went to her adrenal glands and began to spread throughout her body. They also found a spot on her liver and they wanted to do a biopsy on it. They thought this was cancerous. They suggested oral chemo and they wanted to plant chemo seeds. She decided to do the oral chemo.
A few months later, Aubrey had an appointment to review the results of the biopsy.
When she came home from the appointment, she nonchalantly stated that she had cancer again and that she was going to fight it. She told my mother it was not a big deal; she was not surprised and not to worry about it.
She began losing her strength. Aubrey was wheelchair-bound, but still attended extensive physical therapy. She did therapy 3 hours a day using special harnesses and equipment to get her back on track. She tried to walk again up until a month before her passing.
Aubrey had to get dialysis treatments 3 times a week. Each time, she had to be screened for COVID. She was constantly tested for COVID. She felt like they were trying to give it to her. She ended up getting it. She was hospitalized and she shut down and she would not talk to anybody. She was in a hospital quarantine and no one could see her. She had to go through it alone. My mother would call and ask the nurses to let her FaceTime Aubrey, so she wouldn’t give up. She ended up beating it. During this time, she lost a significant amount of weight. They felt she suffered brain damage. She was always getting better to get worse.
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After COVID restrictions were lifted, she was able to receive visits from my mother. She was in good spirits and signed papers to go back to rehab and begin fighting cancer again. She was transported from Rhodes Hall back to the James. They said her breathing was shallow and they ventilated her. She would not wake up. She showed some signs of improvement, then she had to be ventilated again! She was constantly being ventilated! Aubrey was then moved to CCU - Comfort Care Unit. They thought that the cancer had transferred to her brain and wanted to do MRIs. They started trying to wean her off the ventilator. The first day they tried, she breathed on her own for 3 hours. Then she had to be ventilated again. At this time, my mother notified our family members that they needed to get to her. Not knowing what was going on, and recently being told she was getting better, I was shocked that I needed to get there. I did not take it well what was being told to me. I was told to be prepared to lose my sister. No matter how much you think you can prepare for something like that, YOU CAN’T!
There was a care meeting to discuss Aubrey’s current plan. They say that overnight she removed the tube that was down her throat helping her to breathe. They wanted us to discuss if they should put the tube back in and told us that we were ultimately prolonging the inevitable. The doctor told us that she was terminal and we did not know that. He assumed we knew. Aubrey had been told at the biopsy appointment that the chemo was not working and that she was terminal. I believe she chose not to tell us because she was trying to protect us.
They told us that we needed to prepare ourselves. That the best thing that we could do was keep her comfortable. I asked the doctor how much time someone who needed a kidney could survive without receiving dialysis. I was told that if that were the only issue, the person could last a couple weeks. Of course, with Aubrey that was not the case. She had so many other things going on that were contributing to her declining health. Still in my mind, I told myself that I had a couple weeks. Selfishly, I wish that I just had more time with her.
Over the next few days, different family members came to see her & unknowingly say their goodbyes. I am sure we all thought we had more time than we did. We likely thought, we would spend time with her and come back another day and see her again. Aubrey gave us a chance to see her one more time. Unfortunately, her condition continued to decline. My mother and I spent the night in the room with Aubrey and in the early morning hours of October 4th, she went to be with God. It happened so fast! I was so thankful to be in the room with her. I kissed her and thanked her repeatedly for allowing me to be there with her. I was with her until the end and I thank God for that.
Aubrey had repeatedly asked to be baptized. There were concerns of her being submerged in water in a traditional baptism because of her health issues and a port in her arm for her dialysis treatments. It was put off for a while. On October 1st, our Pastor, G. Jerome DeCarlo of Glory Evangelistic Ministries came to Aubrey's room to do a symbolic baptism ceremony for her. It was an amazing experience. Aubrey could not talk at this point, but she would talk to you with her eyes. She would point at things to get you to understand what she wanted. The Pastor wrapped towels around her neck so that the water did not travel too far. We prayed together and Pastor read scripture. Then he poured the water over her head. When he did this, she lifted her body up off the bed some and she smiled. We sang “Take Me to the Water”. There was a nurse in the room that said he did not really believe in God, but seeing that, was amazing. He had been in the room when Aubrey could barely move. I believe she was lifted in that moment and her faith reassured her that it was ok to let go. I am so happy that she was able to get baptized before she transitioned.
I want to honor my sister’s memory in any way that I can! I love you Aubrey Janae Carter! You were the strongest woman ever! You gave me the honor of being your big sister and I am so thankful for that! I am thankful for your lessons of what real strength and faith in God looks like!
With all these things that happened to her, she did not give up. She kept believing. She kept fighting. When things get rough for you, just remember my sister. Remember what she went through. Remember her faith in God. Remember her persistence and determination. Be inspired by her strength, her fight and know that you can make it through anything. Remember to stand up for yourself, be honest and tell it like it is. People may not have always liked what my sister said, but you had to respect her. No matter how hard things get, keep trying and trust that God will bring you out of your situation. This is not even all of her story! My sister went through enough for 3 lifetimes. She was a soldier! No matter what, she kept her faith in God all the way to the end.
That is Aubrey's story. I hope that me telling it helps the person reading this in some way. More than anything, I hope that God gets the glory. I love you always Aubrey. I miss you. I know you will always be with me. Keep watching over me kiddo. - AJ
#TeamBre #fightlikeagirl #BreStrong We miss you Bre!!! ❤
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